Living
with Genital Herpes -
A
practical approach:
Guidance
and Direction for people living with genital herpes
A
diagnosis of genital herpes often comes as a shock. Many
people do not feel comfortable talking about sexuality and sexual health
issues.
There are many avenues
for help, reassurance and guidance. Below are resources that can offer
help and support for people living with and affected by herpes:
Counselling
Adequate information
about genital herpes and the implications for the future are an important
part of clinical management and treatment. Counselling offers a way
of dealing with your concerns.
If you or your partner
are finding it hard to come to terms with the news, need advice, guidance
for the future, or just need to talk with someone a medical expert or
counsellor can help give you some direction.
Encourage yourself or
your partner to speak with a medical expert or counsellor.
Support Groups
The
experience and support of other people with herpes can be extremely
valuable.
Support groups
for people with herpes exist in some countries and have the objective
of providing support and education to people with herpes.
For anyone who feels
isolated by genital herpes, self-help groups can provide a much-needed
arena for open discussion and the exchange of information and ideas.
Living
with Genital Herpes - A
practical approach
Getting
the facts
The more emotionally
charged an issue, the more important it is to find out the facts. Most
people know little or nothing about herpes. Frequently, what knowledge
they have is colored by myth and misconception.
Having the correct information
makes it easier for everyone concerned. Genital herpes is extremely
common. In some countries, up to one in five people are infected with
this virus, whether they know it or not.
Some
basic facts that you should know:
TRANSMISSION:
HSV
can be passed on when one person has the virus present on the skin or
mucosa and another person makes direct skin-to-skin contact with the live
virus.
The
virus is likely to be present on the skin from the first sign of prodrome
(tingling or itching where the outbreak usually occurs), until the sores
have completely healed and new skin is present.
There
are likely to be certain periods of time (possibly only a few days out
of the year) when the active virus might be on the skin, even though there
are no obvious signs or symptoms.
Always
using latex condoms may possibly reduce the risk of transmitting the
virus at these times.
Herpes
is very frequently transmitted by infected persons who do not know they
are infected.
Once
diagnosed, a person generally is able to take the simple precautions
necessary to protect partners - avoiding contact during prodrome or
an outbreak and practising safer sex when no symptoms are present.
ATTITUDE AND
SELF-ESTEEM:
A
positive attitude helps greatly, starting with a positive feeling towards
oneself
It
is important for individuals to have time and space so that they can learn
about their strengths and develop them
For
anyone who finds stress a particular problem or has trouble relaxing,
there are specific techniques, such as meditation and courses on stress
management, that can help.
OUTBREAKS AND
RECURRENCES:
A
person who experiences recurrent genital herpes should try to get to know
the pattern of their outbreaks, and may discover the particular circumstances
that trigger an episode and learn to avoid them
For
most people who have active blisters or sores the outbreaks can be eliminated,
with fairly rapid healing time and often little to no recurrences using
Dynamiclear�
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To
gain relief from frequent recurrences, antiviral treatment can help.
It can prevent some recurrences and provide valuable 'breathing time'
in which people can learn to strengthen their own resources.
How
do I tell someone, especially my partner, I have genital herpes?
When it comes down to
the basics of telling, there is no foolproof method. What you say and
how you say it are going to depend on your own personal style.
It is only natural to feel apprehensive about telling someone
else about genital herpes for the first time.
A good long-term relationship
must be based always on honesty and trust. While some people may experience
an unsupportive response, most have found their partners are both supportive
and understanding.
If
your partner does decide not to pursue a relationship with you simply
because you have herpes, it is in your best interest to find out now.
It takes a lot more than the occasional aggravation of herpes to destroy
a sound relationship.
Carefully
choose the time and place for telling someone. Although it may not be
necessary to tell someone right at the beginning of a relationship,
do not wait until after a serious relationship is established as this
is not fair to the other person.
The
discussion could take place where you feel safe and comfortable. Some
people turn off the TV, take the phone off the hook, and approach the
subject over a quiet dinner at home. Others prefer a more public place,
like walking in the park, or a quiet restaurant, so that their partner
will feel free to go home afterwards to think things through.
Be
prepared. Plan what is going to be said and have your facts about genital
herpes clear. It can be a good idea to have relevant printed information
on hand for someone to read.
Be
spontaneous. Be confident. You are doing the right thing for both of
you. By telling your partner you allow them to enter into the relationship
with full knowledge of your infection
When
you have an outbreak, you can discuss it with a partner instead of making
excuses for why you can't have sex. If the two of you are able to discuss
the situation, openly and honestly, you can negotiate around it. Imaginative
lovers find ways to weather these temporary setbacks.
Consider
how you would feel if the roles were reversed and you were being told. You
can also role play the situation with a friend who already knows your
situation, but do not let them always play the understanding partner. Convincing
another person can help convince you.
More
information on genital herpes can be obtained by contacting your doctor
or a
sexual health clinic.
Personal rejection, with
or without herpes, is a possibility we all face. Fear of rejection can
lead some to question why they should risk talking about herpes and
choose not to disclose the fact. Instead they abstain during outbreaks,
practice safe sex at other times, and hope for the best.
This way of thinking
can have more disadvantages than advantages:
- You spend a lot of
time and energy worrying that your partner is going to get herpes.
- The longer you put
off telling, the more likely your partner will find out elsewhere.
- It gets harder to
do the longer you wait
- For most people, the
anxiety of not telling is worse than the telling itself.
- Excuses create distance
between partners and often lead to dangerous guesswork. Your partner
might interpret your excuses in ways more damaging to the relationship
than an honest discussion of genital herpes would be
- Your attitude will
influence how this news is received. Psychologists have observed that
people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave, and expecting
rejection increases the chances of an unhappy outcome.
The importance of self-esteem, adaptation
and acceptance.
Herpes
does not change all the good and wonderful things that make you 'you'.
It has nothing to do with your intelligence, social habits, or bank account.
You are a loving, sexual, whole individual. No one else on the planet
has the things that you have to offer.
Unconsciously,
many of us have a lot of negative beliefs related to herpes that make
it difficult to convince ourselves that others would want to be with
us. It is important to recognize these beliefs and consciously change
them. Accepting the fact that you have herpes will make it easier to
let others into your life.
Sit
down with a pen and paper and say to yourself, "I have herpes."
What thought pops into your head? No matter what it is, write it down.
Do this again and again until you have identified a number of the stereotypical/negative
feelings that you have about herpes.
Look
at your list. How many of the negative feelings or beliefs are truly
valid? Take your list and replace each of your negative beliefs
with a positive one.
You
have the power to change what you believe about yourself. Whenever you
find your inner voice telling you that you can't do or have anything that
you desire, simply interrupt it and firmly repeat to yourself your positive
replacement. The more often you repeat these positive statements, the
more they reinforce themselves.
You
can think and believe whatever you choose about yourself. It might take
some repetition. Years of negative belief patterns do not disappear
overnight. But eventually, by deliberately replacing your old negative
beliefs with positive new ones, you can begin to change how you think
and feel about yourself - consciously and unconsciously.
Well
done! You have confronted a difficult issue in your life with
courage and consideration.
What if your partner has genital herpes?
If your partner has genital
herpes, your support may be very important in helping him or her deal
with this condition, which can also directly affect you. When your partner
goes back to the doctor, you may wish to go too, so that you can find
out more about the infection.
Where
can I get more information and advice?
After you have read this
information and discussed genital herpes with your partner, you might
have specific questions or concerns. Your doctor or your partner's doctor
should be able to answer such questions or recommend other experts who
can provide advice and support. Continue to go back to your doctor
until all your queries about genital herpes are answered.
In some areas, there
are local genital herpes support groups that can be a valuable source
of information and support. Ask your doctor if there is such a group
in your area or look through our Support Groups
page.
If you want further information
regarding herpes treatment, you can:
- See your local doctor
- Visit a sexual
health clinic in your area
